I am a tall(ish), fat, metal loving nerd. Not the socially acceptable kind of nerd... the D&D and MTG playing kind....maybe that's become socially acceptable now. Am I cool now? Is "cool" still within the proper vernacular?
Oh... and I'm emo as FUCK.
Mexicant's Musings
I hurt. I honestly fucking hurt. I wrote a full post about this, reread it, and found that it was full of pretentiousness and did not accurately portray how I currently feel. My mother is dead. I’ll never have her back. I’ll never get to talk to her, I’ll never see her smile, I’ll never hear her laugh, and I’ll never be able to ask her for advice. My brother will have to grow up not knowing how fucking awesome his mother was and how great she would have been to his life. My step-dad is crying alone most nights wishing he actually believed in god so he could find comfort in the world when there is none. He’s seen the ravages of war first hand though and believes there is no “father” watching.
My wife filed the final papers for divorce. She’s no longer my wife. I can’t count on her to care about me or anything concerning me ever again. I’ve forcibly had a large portion of my soul torn out of me. Pieces of the puzzle that make up my self have been taken and destroyed. I sleep in a bed that is too big for me in a room that has never felt colder. I go through the motions of living but know that it’s empty and pointless. I exist out of habit now. I fell to my fucking knees, crying to the heavens, begging to make a deal with my devil to make this agony stop. But it was pointless. God, as always, is a sadistic bastard and my pleas fall on deaf ears.
The two lights of my life have been extinguished and I am alone in the darkness again.
****
Life it seems, will fade away / Drifting further every day / Getting lost within myself / Nothing matters no one else / I have lost the will to live / Simply nothing more to give / There is nothing more for me / Need the end to set me free
Things not what they used to be / Missing one inside of me / Deathly lost, this Can t be real / Cannot stand this hell I feel / Emptiness is filling me / To the point of agony / Growing darkness taking dawn / I was me, but now he ‘s gone
No one but me can save myself, but it’s too late / Now, I can’t think, think why I should even try / Yesterday seems as though it never existed / Death Greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye
